Poor George
by AlexG
Summary: There was one other person who had to cope with the deaths of the crew of the Red Dwarf, but nobody ever talks about how he dealt with it. Well, until now. Please R&R!
1. Chapter 1

**POOR GEORGE**

Summary: Lots of stories have been written about Rimmer finding out that the crew died. What about George McIntyre, who was around when the crew died, and had to be deactivated so Rimmer could be generated? Please R&R!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters but, boy, I wish I did, because this situation and these characters are brilliant. Rob, Doug, you guys rock!

**CHAPTER 1**

"He's back! Hey, everybody, George is back," Sam Murray called over the bleep-beeps and the bloop-boops of the drive room. George walked in, and was met with a short round of applause.

Captain Hollister walked over to him. "George! How was your leave?"

"Just fine, captain," he said. "I appreciate the time off."

"How are you holding up?" Brown asked.

"As well as can be expected," McIntyre replied. "I've still got to get used to not having any touch."

"Oh, you poor man."

"Really, it's not so bad. I could be a lot worse off. I still have my health, after all," he said. "And I still have the rest of you all. You've been like family to me these past years."

"Well," the captain said, "do you think you're ready to get back to duty?"

"Ready and willing, sir," George said. He moved over to his console, which had been rigged up to be photosensitive so that he could still use it.

The captain went back into his office, and Brown followed. "Duty roster for today, sir," she said. He glanced over it, like he did most days. But today, something caught his attention.

"Rimmer?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied, with a bit of a sigh creeping into her voice.

"Rimmer's hardly qualified for the job he has now! Just last week I ordered a chicken soup and got mashed potatoes with diced chilies and chocolate sauce."

"Don't worry," Carol said. "Lister's there."

"That's not making me feel any better," Hollister said.

"Look, I agree, he's a complete slob, but he seems to at least know more about what he's doing than Rimmer."

"A psychotic elephant that's had its trunk ripped off could do better at Rimmer's job."

"Lister's only been with the corps for eight months, but when he comes up for promotion, we should probably make him Second Tech."

While she was saying this, the captain had gotten a message from the ship's lab. It was a fax with a photograph enclosed. "I don't know," he said, looking at the message. "I have a feeling Lister's going to be away for a bit."

------------------------------

"What do you mean, he's not here?" Rimmer asked, incredulously.

"Lister's not on duty for a while," Grace Allender said again, more slowly so that Rimmer could understand. "You're on your own today. Lister's been sent to stasis for keeping a cat."

"Oh, fine. Great. Just great,"

"I thought you knew," she said. "Todhunter said you spoke to him right before he went in last night."

"Ah, last night," Rimmer said. "Last night I was… not feeling well. I probably didn't notice." So far, few people knew that he had fainted during his exam. Also, precious few knew that, due to ink poisoning from copying all his notes onto his body, he'd had to go down to the medical unit and have all his blood replaced with Synth. Having to have a transfusion isn't too embarrassing when it happens once, but they'd done the same thing to him after Lister served him Freaky Fungus for breakfast, and he didn't want it to appear like this was becoming habit. "I just don't think I can do this alone."

"Don't panic, Rimmer. If you need anything, just call me, alright?"

"Fine, OK," Rimmer said, and walked off, scowling. "One person alone to mend the drive plate. How do they expect anyone to do it properly?" Rimmer crawled into the maintenance shaft. 5,000 circuits to re-route and lock down. 5,000. That was quite a lot. He started in on the task. An hour later, he had only finished 50. "This is gonna take ages," he muttered. But then he noticed something. Something he hadn't seen before. What if, instead of interfacing with each circuit, he programmed the computer to make the same change to all the circuits at once? He could save time, and probably the engineers would congratulate him on coming up with such a good technique. He might even get to skip the exams and go straight to being an officer! He punched in the codes.

------------------------------

"What kind of problem," Hollister asked.

"Apparently," Grace replied from the engine deck, "Rimmer set the computer up to do his circuit locks for him. He didn't realize that some had to be set the opposite way."

"What are we looking at? Engine overload?"

"I'm afraid it might be… much more serious, sir. We're trying to lock it down."

"Understood. Where's Rimmer now?"

"He was on his way up there a minute ago, sir. He should arrive anytime."

Captain Hollister turned to McIntryre. "George, you and Kochanski set a course back to the nearest repair facility. We're going to need it, I imagine."

Rimmer ran in just then. McIntyre moved out of the way to avoid being walked through. He and stood next to Kochanski and started running over the figures with her.

"Rimmer!" The captain shouted. "What have you done now?"

"Captain, I do want to say how completely and utterly sorry I am, and I…"

"You are worthless, Rimmer! I've tried to look the other way, and tried to help you out. But you are just so incompetent. How did you ever get into the Space Corps?"

"Sir, I'm sure that Ms. Allender will be able to…"

"I'm don't care what Allender can do!" The captain yelled. "Look, it was your job to fix it, Rimmer! You can't do sloppy work on the drive plate!"

"I know, sir, and I accept full responsibility for any consequences."

Then there was an explosion. A huge, rushing, gushing kind of explosion. Alarms sounded. Screens flashed, "Emergency", and Holly started to call out, "Emergency! Emergency! There's an emergency going on. Would Arnold Rimmer please hurry to white corridor 1-5-9." The crew started to convulse and squirm as the radiation coarsed through their bodies. Their faces withered. Their hair was the first thing to disintegrate. After a while longer, the bodies followed suit. Soon everyone had been diminished to a pile of white powder. The force of the blast had knocked some people onto the consoles, so some of the piles were up off the floor. Others were on the chairs, including Kochanski. All in all, it was finished in less than a minute. In less than a minute, the entire crew, all 1169 crew members were dead, except for Dave Lister, who was in stasis. And there was also one observer.

George McIntyre stood next to Kochanski's chair. He'd just seen her die. He'd just seen the captain die, and Todhunter, and Rimmer. He was shocked. "Holly!" he croaked out. "Holly! What happened?"

"The drive plate blew, George," he said. "I sealed the engine room as fast as I could, but the radiation leaked out anyway."

"This is awful," George said. "Check internal sensors. Did anyone survive?"

"I'm afraid not, George."

George was taken aback. Everyone he knew in the crew, gone. Just like that. He collapsed into one of the chairs. He felt as if he were going to be sick. If it were possible for a hologram to be ill, he probably would have been. He sat there for a long time. He didn't know how long. Finally, he heard Holly calling him.

"George? George, I need your help."

George swallowed. "Uh, yes? Yes, Holly?"

"We're a threat to the solar system if we continue on this route," Holly said. "We better plot a new course, take _Red Dwarf _out of the Solar System."

"Right, right," George said. He punched the data into his console. But his mind wasn't in it. He just kept thinking about the crew. "Holly, we'd better send a distress call," he said, "let the families know everyone's gone. Then I guess we ought to shut down. No point keeping the ship running if the crew's gone."

"Actually, George, there is one left after all," Holly said.


	2. Chapter 2

**POOR GEORGE**

Summary: Lots of stories have been written about Rimmer finding out that the crew died. What about George McIntyre, who was around when the crew died, and had to be deactivated so Rimmer could be generated? Please R&R!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters but, boy, I wish I did, because this situation and these characters are brilliant. Rob, Doug, you guys rock!

**CHAPTER 2**

Someone was left? Who was it? How could anyone survive? Maybe someone was on the cargo decks. After all, the hold was lined with lead to keep the cosmic radiation out. If someone was there, and if they'd managed to get into an environment suit, then maybe they could survive the accident. There was a glimmer of hope; perhaps all was not lost for the crew of _Red Dwarf_.

"Holly, who is it?" George asked. He was already headed for one of the lifts. "Take me down there." As the lift moved, he ran through the list of possible crew members in his mind. Who would have cause to be in the cargo hold? Olaf Petersen, maybe. He was catering officer. If he had been trying to get some stores for the kitchen…

"Here, George," Holly said as the lift stopped and the door opened.

"Holly, there must be some mistake," George said. "This isn't the cargo deck."

"The survivor isn't on the cargo deck, George," Holly told him. "The survivor is in stasis."

"You mean, someone managed to get into a stasis booth before they were wiped out?"

"No, he was already there."

Already in stasis? Now, that seemed familiar. There'd been a bulletin on the shipwide network about someone being put into stasis for keeping a pet. Who was it again? All this time, George had been walking around the deck, towards the stasis booth. He turned a corner, and saw who it was. "Holly, are you joking me?" Dave Lister. Of all the people that could have survived, it had to be Lister. Lister, the man who ate curries for every meal, the man who bit off his toenails instead of using a clipper, the man who could use his guitar strings both to make sounds somewhat akin to music and to floss his teeth (and both actions sounded remarkably similar). Of all the people, of all the crew, it had to be Lister who made it. How unfair. It could have at least been someone he was fond of. It could have been Joe's wife – George would have liked that considerably. "So, what do we do with him?" George asked.

"We leave him there," Holly said. "It's not safe to let him out."

"Why not?"

"Because, the radiation levels are still too high."

"Well, can't you flush the radiation out? We have the equipment to cleanse asteroids of radioactivity for mining. Why not the ship? I specifically remember that there is a system meant for just this purpose." He looked around at the piles of powder on the floor. "Well, granted, maybe not for this _exact_ situation," he amended.

"I'm afraid it's not working, George."

"Why not?"

"Second Technician Arnold Rimmer was supposed to repair a porous circuit in it last week, but he never got around to it."

Rimmer again. "Did Rimmer have any good qualities? Could he do anything right?"

Holly said, "If you want me to do a search, I can, George, but I imagine it'll take upwards of two weeks." He paused. "And I wouldn't be surprised if we didn't get any results."

"So, how long will it take for the ship to be safe?"

"Three million years, or thereabouts."

"Good work Rimmer," George mubled. "I never liked him before. But now I despise him. I mean, I tried to be supportive. He wasn't an academy student. He was trying to get through the hard way. I dare say, when I first met him I respected him a little bit. But that was before he proved to be worthless at ordinary tasks, killed the crew, and set us up on a 3,000,000 wait to be able to save the sole survivor of the accident! What an idiot!"

"Hey, speaking of Rimmer," Holly said, trying to drop the concept casually, "I want to switch you off and bring him back as a hologram instead."

George stared at one of Holly's monitors. Holly made an attempt to smile back. George didn't smile.


	3. Chapter 3

**POOR GEORGE**

Summary: Lots of stories have been written about Rimmer finding out that the crew died. What about George McIntyre, who was around when the crew died, and had to be deactivated so Rimmer could be generated? Please R&R!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters but, boy, I wish I did, because this situation and these characters are brilliant. Rob, Doug, you guys rock!

**CHAPTER 2**

"What did you say, Holly?" George asked, hoping against hope that he had heard wrong.

"Look, when Dave is released, he'll be alone on the ship," Holly said. "We need to bring back someone who'll keep him sane."

"And you think Rimmer is the best person for that? They hated each other! What about Petersen, or Chen, or Selby? They were best friends."

"All their disks are corrupted," Holly said. "They probably had their personalities recorded when they were drunk. All I have on file is Petersen's arm, Chen's pinkie toe on his right foot, and Selby's appendix."

"But Rimmer?"

"Lister used to get great enjoyment out of making Rimmer's life miserable. That ought to keep him going."

George had to admit, it was a wise plan. "What do we need to do?"

"Well, I think it'd be best if we put the ship into lockdown mode," Holly said. "Otherwise, it'll never last until Lister wakes up. That'll include my core program. Then, all you have to do is set up a reboot command for a few weeks before we wake him up, and everything will be ready for him."

It took George a long time to shut down all the nonessential systems aboard _Red Dwarf_. For the whole crew, it would have taken merely an hour. But to do the work of the 1,168 crew members who weren't pulling their fair share, took a lot longer. Oftentimes, it was merely a valve that had to be twisted to the OFF position, but George needed the Skutters to do that for him.

The problem with Skutters is that they are only about 2 feet high at their maximum reach. Sometimes, in order to just turn off one little knob, they had to spend the better part of a day lasering out part of the wall or floor boards, building a rudimentary ramp, and then finally rolling up it and turning the knob. The process was rather time consuming in this regard, and it took George and the Skutters about 3 weeks to finish the entire ship. At the end of the third week, George collapsed into a chair in the drive room.

"Oh, that's it, Holly," he said. He turned to face the computer's monitor above one of the consoles. "Now, what have I got to do to shut you off?"

"Change of plans, actually," Holly said. "I'm going to have to navigate the ship as best I can without the crew, or the whole of _Red Dwarf _will crash itself into any of the larger planets we find. Plus I've got to regulate the stasis field's power levels so it doesn't drop."

"You mean, you're going to stay on?"

"No choice," Holly said.

"But that will put you 2,999,950 years over your recommended lifespan," George said. He was silent a moment, then continued, "Your warranty'll be voided, anyway."

"I know, George. But there's nothing else I can do."

George sighed. "Alright, Holly. Well, I guess it's about time I were going."

"Yeah, got to save all the power we can."

"Just let me record a message for Lister, will you?"

"Sure thing, George."

"Begin dictation. Lister, it's George. I've just been helping Holly with getting the ship ready for its 3,000,000 year slumber. I just want to say, I'm sorry for how things turned out for you, and I'm sorry for how things are going to turn up. I know that Rimmer will say he's in charge because he outranks you, and I know Holly thinks he's the best bet to keep you sane. But, I know you two didn't get on. So, as my last act as astronavigation officer of _Red Dwarf_, I hereby grant you, David P. Lister, the rank of Lieutenant, Junior Grade, effective immediately. Now you can select among the crew for your companion, or stick with Rimmer if Holly's really right. Bye, Dave. End dication."

"Ready, George?"

"Ready, Holly. See you around, hm?"

"You bet, Dave." Holly shut George's hologram off. He looked at the letter George had written for Lister. Or, rather, he looked at the screen where it had been. He searched his databank. "Oh, bugger," Holly said. "Looks like I've forgotten to save it. Oh well, it's not as if George will ever find out. And Lister probably won't care, anyway."


End file.
